Self-help

#Essays

Stop Reading “Go Fug Yourself”

3

“Go Fug Yourself” recently named Amber Rose, a model best known for being Kanye West’s paramour, the winner of their annual “Fug Madness” contest, which uses reader voting to name this year’s “fugliest” celebrity.  This development reveals exactly how pernicious […]

#Essays #Food/Craft

How to Hack Thanksgiving

1

First of all, quit trying to hack things, weirdo.  You can’t hack a holiday or a life or your mom or nothing, I don’t care what Slate told you.  But I do have some Thanksgiving tips! Thanksgiving is not that […]

#Food/Craft

How to Trick People into Thinking You Are Good at Wine

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There are a small number of situations in which it might behoove you to pretend to be good at wine. These are the situations:

1. You are on a date with a man or lady and you want them to think you are “discerning” even though you are not discerning and you want them to think you are “sensual” even though you are not sensual . . .

#Fiction

Rex Profanity

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To describe a thing accurately, he thought, you must know its trajectory.  This is why he dropped everything he ever cared about. Tweet

#Fiction

The Able Chip

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Able Chip was a highly capable learner.  This is what he learned in five years: 1. How to speak 2. How to read 3. How to suffer 4. Colors Tweet

#Fiction

Ravenous

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The vainest foundling in the orphanage was undoubtedly Nellie Bly.  She had bumpy skin like cream, and she drank cream constantly to remind herself of her own skin.  She called this “paying tribute.” Tweet

#Fiction

There are 5 Things

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1.  The music is cold, the burn victim said.  “That’s because you’re not sweating to the oldies!” Tweet