Annaliese Mortimer, Cassidy Bloom, and Amanda Bloom of City of Lost Children

Chris Patton and Ross Brackett have started a podcast, called Project Bellingcast, which is a general interest show about Bellingham, food, music, and other important topics.  I did an advice segment for it with the lovely David Ney, all about relationships, home decor and business problems.  There’s also an interview with local publisher Brent Cole, the documentation of a local pig slaughter operation, a roundtable discussion of Bellingham’s eateries with local food snobs, and musical performances by City of Lost Children.

Listen to (or subscribe to it) here: http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/project-bellingcast/id487390759

Teaser:

Full version!:

Our episode of Trailer Wars’ ongoing soap opera, “Bay Cove Terrace.” A broken-hearted Serena Dannon makes a new life for herself on the family farm. Things don’t get any easier when she recruits a gaggle of city slickers to help her reclaim the land. Can a mysterious stranger help her set things right and protect the farm from falling into the hands of Clint Muldano?

Watch the rest of the Bay Cove Terrace episodes here.

The fake trailer sequel to Timber Boss I. What happens when a logging magnate loses all emotional control? His business and personal lives spiral into chaos. This was shown at Trailer Wars 19 . . . for which it won! Check out Timber Boss I here.

I don’t know why this is the most important August song, but it is, because it is full of the theme of this summer, which is white trash.  The thing that nobody mentions about being white trash is that it is awesome, because it is all about beauties that are very fleeting.  13-year-old girls with perfect faces that will be ordinary and swollen next year; Cheeto dust dissolving in brilliant orange rings in an oily slick of swimming hole water; picnics in the middle of blooming weed meridians.  Dirty feet and bum parties on bank parking lot lawns.  Bruised peaches and smashed blueberries getting all your papers wet.  What did you need your papers for anyway?

The other thing that nobody mentions about being poor is that you have to look at a lot more buildings than rich people.  Rich people only have to look at skyscrapers and houses; poor people have to look at the back of 7-11s all the time.  And other buildings, like apartment complexes where all the dumpsters are locked.  And franchises.  It’s a cheap world of stucco and plastic, and it’s so ugly, and the lighting is bad so you have to look at it.  But that’s what makes it beautiful, too–it’s a world where everything is disposable, so everything is free.  You can smash up your whole damn house if you want to, because it’s not actually your house and because none of your things are that nice.  You can throw away anything.

There’s an obscene luxury to buying single-serving cigarettes in plastic cases; it’s the kind of thing that only a madman or a king–or a poor–would do.  When you give up, when you accept your bad teeth and cut-up hands, you can smile at anybody, you can pick anything up.  You don’t worry about what they’ll think of you; you worry about what you want and if you like it.  And if you can’t afford anything, you want everything, it all gets leveled out and no one thing is more particularly desirable than any other thing.  It all falls into the category of “not yours,” which makes it easier to let go of.  That is the Zen of poor–a cut crystal brandy snifter becomes equal to a beach house.  If you’re middle-class, you might save up for brandy snifters; you might deny yourself simpler pleasures so that you can obtain this stupid glass set that you’ll never enjoy drinking out of, because you’ll be thinking about what it costs and what if it breaks and so on.  The unobtainable fantasy tastes much sweeter than the achievable goal.

“Sweet Virginia” is a great song about drugs.  It’s a fantasy about being very strung out but sort of comfortably country about it.  When you’re tired and strung out, it never feels good, but in retrospect you can cast a glow over it.  Poverty is not actually all that freeing or wonderful, but the idea of poverty is intoxicating when you have access to food and shelter.  Sometimes I think human society is just one giant D&D game, a bunch of nerds sitting around and pitting their fantasies against each other.  When you consider how the world is just some stuff that some people made up, this begins to seem less implausible.

(”Time to have earthenware pots in our early human culture.”  “Why?”  “Because I think they’re cool.”  “Okay, I hope somebody writes a textbook about this, and then another person can make it a choice on a multiple-choice test for some kids who are just sitting around.”  “Sounds great.”)

2. Embrace Chicken Fandom.

They're coming for you, but they don't know why.

Why chickens?  What are they up to?  Why are people obsessed with chickens?  Why am I obsessed with chickens?  All they do is root stuff out.  All they do is taste delicious.

It seems to me like if you like chickens enough you can make your life like a storybook all the time.  I don’t know if that’s a good goal, but I have it.

3.  Wonder What “You Never Even Called Me by My Name” Is About.

I mean, I love this song and all.  Not sure what it’s about, though.

4. Ride the Bus

Everybody on the bus is fantastic.  I recently started a new bus route and already have many regulars that I am consumed with observing.  They are:

1. The lazy anorexic.
2. The Dutch goth.
3. Face War.

The lazy anorexic is a very small, frail type who frequently wears her hair in a complicated braid bun.  She mitigates this with gold platform fuck-me sandals, but further complicates things by wearing many tiny children’s sweaters (no doubt purchased at Baby Gap, for real.)  I do not mean to mock her; of course it is horrible that she is anorexic but my job is to report the news, and that is what she is up to.  We both have poor circulation and give each other the side eye when others complain about the bus being too hot.

The best thing about the lazy anorexic, besides the fact that she has a very mannered and disdainful way of holding herself, is that every day, she rides the bus from the downtown Bellingham station to the downtown library–a mere eight blocks or so.  Why does she do this?  Does she have a bus pass, or is she paying a dollar a pop for her three-minute morning ride?  Does she ride the bus back to the station?  Every time she gets off, she gives me a dark and flirtatiously defiant look, as if she knows what I am thinking but rejects my peasant’s inclinations towards thrift.  I think she is very glamorous.

So sulky.

The Dutch goth has that broad Dutch bone structure that can be so pretty, and a wool coat always and sunglasses always, and he works at the mall, and he hates his life even though he has everything.  He doesn’t even know, and he’s wasting his life riding the bus to the mall when he could be brooding around Copenhagen, wasting his life in a much more Continental way.  Anna and Nora and I have a plan to ride the bus with him all the time and give him a lot of side eye; he would not be able to handle strong flirting because he is so death-oriented and takes himself so seriously, and he would probably get very upset and then we could laugh and laugh.  He is a Dull Boy, and no mistake.  Take off your coat, dull boy!

Fuck you, I have a peacock.

Face War is an older woman, generous of frame and tall like an overgrown myrtle bush, and she likes to yell.  She is like a matriarchal Greek goddess, except for being poor and yelling.  There are all these lines Renaissance-ish/new Romantic poetry about Juno’s wide white brow and so on, and I think of this when I look at this lady’s face.  If she relaxed her face, it would be beautiful–it has very clean, broad lines, like something drawn, and she also has what the poet’s called “cow eyes,” like they are always referring to “cow-eyed Hera/Juno,” and they mean it as a compliment, even though it sounds like the worst, but if you have looked at cows much (as I have), you know that cows have lovely big eyes.  But this lady is always moving her face around and yelling, so that is why I call her Face War–if she would CALM DOWN, she would have a pleasant face, but she seems intent on ruining it.  And she moves like somebody who thinks their body is an axe instead of a body–like she flings it around hilariously, but she is not trying to be hilarious and reckless–she really just does not think about it as anything visual.  I think it’s more of an instrument for her (for yelling with.)

Rod Stewart is important for helping you transition from winter to spring, because (like early spring), he is sort of sad but real into stuff.  It’s like how everything is very grey and brown right now, but there are still lupines poking up from under the dead blackberry leaves.  His songs are usually about relationships not working out, but instead of seeming sad about this he seems to feel melancholy but also hella angry and relieved.  Unlike my winter friend Bob Seger, Rod Stewart doesn’t want any of his girlfriends back.  He just wants to tell them about how they hurt his feelings and he is so over it, which seems like a healthy reaction.  I feel like if I dated Rod Stewart he would put up with my crap to a certain extent because he would be confused, but then one night he would go out with his girlfriends and he would describe my behavior to them and they would be like, “Oh girl,” and then he would decide that maybe he should dump me and they would agree and get him real whipped up about it and they would drink so many Cosmos and trash my name and then he would come home and I would be lying around in a white chair drinking melted chai tai ice cream and pushing on my cuticles with a file and he would say, “It’s over, dude,” and I would be like, “Whatever, get out of my house,” and he would be like, “It’s my house, weirdo,” and then I would throw a heavy thing through the bank of windows behind us and it would shatter and he wouldn’t say anything. And then I would call my friend Pablo and we would go on a road trip and Rod Stewart would write a song about it called “The Last Window,” or something.

2.  Look at pictures of horses on the Internet.

HORSES

One thing that you might have forgotten about, due to winter and tromping around and feeling pathetic, is that it is important to be proud, like a horse.  This country America is a very beautiful country, which you might not be proud of because of politics or personal problems that you have.  But you should probably be proud of America because it is an exotic place with many horses and grasslands in it.  Maybe you should put on some clean clothes and go fight someone in a field instead of feeling sorry for yourself all the time.  Maybe you should oil up your limbs and grow your hair out and run around being spooked by things and also disdaining bridles.  Have you ever read the book “Black Beauty”?  That’s a hell of a book.  Take a page from it–go eat an apple and kick somebody’s uncle in the head.

3.  Walk by some lakes or streams but not ponds.

Ponds are stagnant.  What lakes have are birds and what streams have are plants that the water pushes back, but it doesn’t uproot them.  You can look at the tendrils of the plants floating and bobbing in the water, and you can also see some rocks.  Maybe you’ll get excited by some rose quartz and bring it home.  Big mistake–nobody is ever impressed by rose quartz.  Better throw it back in the stream and/or river.  Blue rocks are good, even though they are common.

4.  Learn how to frame pictures.

I bet you have a bunch of damn posters lying around your house in disarray.  Maybe you should pretend to care about life and frame them so that they look less dumb.  You can use an X-acto knife to cut the mats and you can also use that to make little cut marks all over your house.  Do this on the underside of things, so that nobody else knows about it.  You will know about it and it will make you feel as if you are the true master of your environment, a wizard unto your own furniture, and that pride will translate into an increased self-confidence that will have you winning over strangers and confidants by the dozen.  Never tell them about the source of your power; they wouldn’t understand.

5.  Listen to “Thunder Road” over and over again.

“Thunder Road” is a song that Bruce Springsteen wrote about getting his high school girlfriend to do something.  You probably think that Bruce Springsteen is dumb, and he is, but you should love him for being a Dutch/Wop American who has felt some fucking emotions in his time.  If you don’t believe me, listen to any of his songs.  Anyway, “Thunder Road” is a good song because it is about overcoming obstacles like porches and not being good-looking in order to be in a car.  Being in a car is a very American thing to do, so if you want to actually understand your personality you should probably do this as often as possible.  You don ‘t even have to buy a car if you are afraid of fossil fuels; just rent one and then get in it and then make a turn and then make another turn and then get on a straight road and then see how the wind smells.  You may end up seeing a number of towns, or better yet, seeing them vanish behind you.

6.  Plant a magnolia tree.

I like magnolia trees because they have no leaves when they’re in bloom, just flowers.  Pink ones are preferable but white ones will do.  If you do this I will walk by your house A LOT.

7.  Listen to Nick Cave’s non-ballad-y albums constantly.

I feel like if I went to Nick Cave’s house, it would be similar to going to PeeWee Herman’s house, in that all the objects in the house would be animate.  It would be dissimilar to going to PeeWee Herman’s house in that all the objects would have bone-chillingly cool personalities, so you’d feel way too intimidated to get particularly intimate with them.  The only friend you’d have would be the back porch, where there would be a lot of broken green chairs and you could maybe whittle on them a little.

8.  Get in fights.

You’ve probably never been in a fight.  Maybe you’d be really good at it?  Maybe somebody could knock the books out of your hands and then you could take off your shirt and go into a hayloft and just hit somebody for a while?  Maybe there would be lots of dust rising around you, catching in the sunlight coming through the gaps between the boards of the barn, and he’d catch you a good one, right under the jaw, and your teeth would crunch a little and you’d nip your tongue slightly and the blood would fill your mouth in a gush of copper and lime, and you would feel strong and angry and you’d wrest that other guy to the floor and pound on his ears until he yelled and then you’d both collapse and look at the ceiling, and the blue sky behind it, and all of your limbs would feel tired and full?

9.  Watch “The Dogfather.

Just do it.  How else are you supposed to find out whether or not your dog is actually a father, and vice-versa?

10.  Learn falconry and/or make a hammock out of a barrel.

Realistically, you probably want an army of falcons.  Barring that, wouldn’t you like to have a beautiful barrel hammock that you strung between two birches?  You could lie in it and think about colors like ochre and slate, or you could drink mint tea in it and throw the ice at all the handsome people who might be playing badminton in white clothes nearby.  They would get angry at you and then you could run and run and run into the woods and go hide under some maidenhair ferns and then get up and keep going.  They’ll never catch you now.

Here is our weird experimental “Alice in Wonderland” adaptation, starring Kelly Bjork, Wes Davis, Amanda Kalkwarf, David Ney, Biagio Biondolillo, Everett Jensen, Chris Ritchie, and Lenae Day.  Enjoy!

Our trailer for “The Home Team,” a short film that will be shown at Winter Commission III: Storytelling on Feb. 26 at the American Museum of Radio & Electricity.

Pan Pan is an instrumental band from Bellingham, WA.  Sarah Jerns plays piano, trumpet, and fluegelhorn, as well as composing all of the music for Pan Pan.  Sarah has also played with The Love Lights, The Presidents of the United States of America, The Ghost and The Grace, and Rooftops.  These are our questions to her:

1. What is Pan Pan?

Pan Pan is when I decide to record my music or perform it and share it with others. I keep a lot to myself, but I enjoy sharing a bit. I like to try and show you what I enjoy.

2. Why is Pan Pan?

I spent a long time playing in other groups, which is great, but I like doing my own thing. It was fun to be in other bands, but none of them were really my own personal genre. I’ve gotten a taste of what it is like to play on a huge stages to thousands of fans, and now I want to make it there myself. Sure, I could keep latching on to other people for aid, but it would be more fun to rock out on stage knowing that I accomplished it myself. And by myself I don’t just mean me; I mean the rest of the amazing musicians in my live band. They make the music I hear in my head come out on stage.

3. What is your ideal setting for composing music?

Sadly, I normally need to head to my parents house. I enjoy writing on my piano that’s carried me through the years of lessons and homework. But first I have to get worked up or energized about something. I once waited a really long time for the new Ipod touch to come out with a camera…and then it didn’t. I’ve never been so angry with Apple. I honestly headed straight to a piano and wrote the tune “Water Buffalo Run” right then.
I really enjoy studying music theory too. Learning new concepts of how others thought allows me to play around with my music. I once had to write a lot of composition homework assigned for a guy I call the Hemp Wizard. Doing that kind of school work is actually what makes me come up with new songs. Pan Pan is a very academic band. We nerd out all the time about what concept are going to be used and what sound that is going to make.

4. Béla Bartók or Steve Reich?

Bela Bartok all the way, man. Have you heard his Concerto for Orchestra? OMG SET THEORY! Give me some more of those atonal pitch classes!

5. Where did you record your new CD, “New Arms“? How?

My parents house! I also recorded one tune outside WWU’s PAC when it was raining and then finished it off in one of the practice rooms. I once told someone it would be ridiculous to record in a practice room because the pianos are terrible and the sound has no where to expand. Guess I messed that one up.

6. What is your favorite book, film, or piece of music?

Sarah Jerns doesn’t read books, kids…..or really watch movies. I couldn’t name a favorite piece either. But right now my favorite chord to play is E major in second inversion with a minor and major seventh. It can turn out some juicy things. Look forward to that.

7. Have you ever won a trophy? If so, what for? How many?

YES! I won second place in a soccer tournament in third grade, I believe. I also totally won a Drill Off the summer of Junior year. I was with a bunch of drum majors and we had to complete the commands that the squad leader called out. I dominated! Hella nerdy.

8. You are contacted by a race of extra-terrestrial Pan Pan enthusiasts who inform you that in 7 days you will be teleported to a planet in an alternate dimension, nearly identical to Earth, called Bearth. Everyone you know and love will be there, but you will only be known to them as the Canadian singer/songwriter Alanis Morrissette. This future is definite. There is nothing you can do to change it. After arriving on Bearth, how long do you wait before you start planning the “Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie Reunion Tour”?

Dude, right away. I would be so gritty when I did it, though. I’m talking about no showers for weeks. That would make me super angsty. I would probably gig non-stop and demand that all my green rooms be filled with strongbow, sierra mist, and pocky (strawberry flavored).

9. You have the power to stop time,  à la Zack Morris from Saved By The Bell. Do you use this skill to help others? Or do you engage in relatively harmless and often hilarious hi-jinx, either preceded or succeeded by an unlikely series of comedic misunderstandings?

Are you serious? Full on hi-jinx Harry Potter sort of stuff. Some would be harmless and some hilarious. But I would probably also go back to when I was in high school and tell my old self to stop being so lame. Getting asked by your dream boy to Homecoming really isn’t that important after all.

10. What can we expect from the upcoming Pan Pan Holiday EP?

I think I’m going to focus more on just piano recordings. I’m going to share the moments that come out when I’m alone with the piano and I let myself create music as I go. The first song done, “Cedar Crowns & Pocket Noise” is airy and delicate. Tones stick with you and conflict with others. I want to stick your head inside my piano and have you listen to the music that happens inside the strings. It’s not all about notes, its about the sound that the notes leave behind and how they interact. That’s what I am creating.

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VIDEO POST!: PAN PAN LIVE AT THE UCH (10.23.09)

On October 23, 2009, Pan Pan played a CD release show at Western Washington University’s Underground Coffeehouse with Rooftops. Here is the footage:

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10 Questions with Pan Pan’s Sarah Jerns

COMING SOON: ROOFTOPS LIVE AND ACOUSTIC AT THE UCH (10.23.09)