Recently Rented Reviews: Goth Minister on Mamma Mia

FGFGFG MAM MuVEEE ei SEen iut uiy WWWWILL NEVR GUESS EUIT!!!!
FGFGFG MAM MuVEEE ei SEen iut uiy WWWWILL NEVR GUESS EUIT!!!!

(This is the second entry in a new feature where I review things I’ve recently rented, regardless of their actual release date, because I don’t care about timeliness or America or the future of cinema or whatever.  Today’s review is by guest columnist GOTH MINISTER.)

I HabE SEEN A MUveeeeeeee.  It is quite a movie it is aabout BEACHES and LADI BEACHES SASS and DANGROUS MIXUPS.  YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE HOW EXCITING THIS MOVIE IS JEEZELUM CRAWDAD.  (It gut me so pumped I CAN”T BLIEVE IT!!!!!!  I LOVE GOLDREN HAIR AND I LOVE A DANCE AND ON MY DVD IT HAD AN OPTION CALLED ‘SINGALAAONG’ THAT I CHOSE AND THEN I COULD SIIINGGGGG ALLLLLONNGGG AND IT WAS MY WISH HOW DID THEY KNOW MY WISH I LOVE ALL DAVD PRODUCERS INVOLEVED WITH THIS PORDU CTION>:::::) [that was an emotican that desvribes mee mood3e.)

OK, LOOK< THIS IS A VRY VRY FEINE FILM.  THE FIST THING THST HAPPENS IS THIS:

CONVERYING IDEAS TO MEENS
CONVERYING IDEAS TO MEENS

A GIRL CONVERYS THE IDES TO SOME MEN OF GOING TO AN ISLE>  THe ISLE IS MAGIC AND ONLY GOOD THINGS AHPPEN THERE NEVER ETHNICS>  YOUWOULDN” T NOT KNOEW THEY HAVE ETHINCS THERE THIS IS HOW GOOD AN ISLE IT IS.  HERE ARE SOME OTHER THIngS THAT HAPPEN:

HVING A TABLEAU
HVING A TABLEAU

YEAH THAT’S RIGHT M-EFFERS THEY HAVE TABELEUAS THERE.  hAVING tABELUAaS IS MY FAVORITE THING IT MAKE SA ME FEEL LIKE SO IT MAKE S ME FEEL RILLY GOOD!!!  SEE HOW GOOD i FEeL:

THIS GOOD
THIS GOOD

thIS si how GOOD A tableau MAKES ME FEEL.  ALL I HAVE EVER WANTED TO DO IS BE IN OVERALLS, BEING A LADY, HAVING A LADY THOGUHT AND HAVING ANOTHER LADY INSTANTLY UNDERTSANT IT AND THEN POSINGS WITH MENS THAT ARE BENEVLOENT.  I LOVE A MBENEVELOVENT MAN NOT FOR LOVE BUT JUST FOR A FRIEND THAT I CAN BE AROUND.  I LOVE MERILLL STREET AND i THINK it is cooL HOW SHE GETS WHAT SHE WANTS, OK??  ok!  necT THING PLS (o by the qay though check out the sly trickses that happy kitten is habing he is as happy as fergie as wilde as the sunn):

having dances!!!!
having dances!!!!

THIS WAS A GREAT PART OF THE MOVIE IT WAS WHEN MERIL WAS SUPRISED BY DANCING SHE COULDNT BLEIVE SHE WAS DANCIN BUT SHE COULDNT SOTP IT BECAUSE THE BEAT AND THE BEAT GOT HER FRIENDS TOO THE RTROLL GOLBIN AND THE LADY FROM A PLANT THEY WERE LADIES HAVING BEATS AS WELL I LVOE THE PACING OF THIS FILM IT WAS RELENTLESS WHICH IS WHAT I LVIE FOR WHAT I LIKE I AINT A MINISTER FOR NOTHING  BRO AND AS FOR BDING RELENTLESS WELL MY SON NICK CABE KNOWS ABOUT THAT BECASE HE DOES SO MANY ALBUMS THAT ARE SAD AND SO MANY THAT ARE ANBGY BECAUSE HE UNDERSTNAT THAT EXCITEMENT IS NEEDED, OK AND THAT IS HWY HE IS A GOTH BE UCARSE HE HAS A FINERGE ON THE PULSE ONE IN THE PINK AND TWO ON THE PUBLSE AS WE SAY AND LAGUH AND SHOTO ON HEROIN OK NOT HEROIN WHAT WE REALLY DO IS LAGUHT AT TINY DUCKS AND PITY THEM EXCEPT IT HURTS MY HEART SO THAT THEY LAUGS ARE NOT REAL.  I NEED HELP CHEERING AND THEN AL OF A SUD MAMMBE MAI CAME AND HELPED ME YESSSSSSSSSS.  AND NOW I KNOW I WILL HAVE DANCES AND I ACAN HAVE DANCES!!

POUR DUC YU HEART HURT ME WHAT ARE YOU TRYIN TO SAY?  I HAVE EARS TO HEAR AND A HEART THAT IS OPEN
POUR DUC YU HEART HURT ME WHAT ARE YOU TRYIN TO SAY? I HAVE EARS TO HEAR AND A brian THAT IS OPEN

now I AHBV to BE HONEST ABOUT ANother part of THIS MOVIE.  I  T SI A SAD PART.

LEANING AGINST A ROCK
LEANING AGINST A ROCK

THIS PART IS CALLIED LEANING AGINST A ROCK AND IT IS A PRAT WHERE MERY DOESN’T KNOW HOW SHE FEELS, OK, AND SHE IS ARFRAID OF HER FEELINGS, OK, WHICH I RELATE TO.  AND THAT NICE MAN IS JUST TRYING TO HELP AND KILL SOVIETS BECAUTST ITS HIS JOB BEUT SHE CAN’T SEE HOW PERECT IT ALL IS, AS BEAUTIFUL AS A GREEK DIAMOND IN A BABY MOUTH ON THE SIDE OF THE OCEAN.  SO THERE IS LEANING AGINST A ROCK AND THERE IS QUESTIONS.  LUCKLIY THERE IS ALSO THIS:

having IDEANS
having IDEANS

LIFE CANNOT EVER BE THAT BAD IF YOU HAVE FRIENDS TO HAVE IDEANS WITH.  YOU HAVE A TOWEL AND A CHAIR AND A COFFEE TABLE AND A BAG ON THE COFFEE TABLE, AND OH YEAH WHAT ELSE OH YES WHAT YOU HAVE ARE FRIENDS, DMANIT, FRIENDS THAT CAN HELP A LIFE TIME, FRIEND S THAT HAVE WINE AND LISPS AND SPECIAL TIMES AND TIME HEALS BUT FRIENDS ARE DOCTORXSZ.  DOCTORESDF.  ALTHOGUH THAT HOBBIT SHOULD ALSO PUT SHOES ON AND ALSO I HATE TO HAVE WET HAIR AROUND MY FIRENDS.  BUT OTHER WISE MARYANNN AND I ARE THE SAME.  EVEN DOWN TO THAT BEUTIFUL WALL.

HAVING DOUBTS
HAVING DOUBTS

ALAS THO ANOTHER SAD PART COMES THAT IS CALLED HAVING DOUBTS.  MAN IS IT A BUMMER AND I THINK THE WERE WOLVE IS SAD AS WELL AS THE FAIR YOUNG LDAY.  SHE REMINDS ME OF SHIRLEY TMEPLE, WHO IS ACES IN MY BOOKE.  YES, FRIENDS, THERE ARE DOUBTS UNFORTUNATLEY AND THE MIAS CAN[T HELP!  EVEN THO THEY ARE MAGNIQFIQUE!

WALKING MIAS
WALKING MIAS

THEY WA,K OVER TO SAVE THE DAY BUT THEY DON’T HAVE ENOUGH POWERES!! I KNOW I WAS SHCOKED TOO!  i THOUGHT THEY WOULD HAVE ENOUGH poweRS FOR SURE.  AT THIS POINT I FELT DOWNCATS.  I LOOKED AT THE PURSES ALL MY PURSE BUT IT DIDN’T HELP.  I PAWSED THE MOVIE (PUN ABOUT CATTENS! :)) AND THEN I TOUCHED ALL MY HAPPY OBJET D’ART BUT IT WAS NOT HAPPY ENUFF!  THEN I LISTEND TO SO MUCH LEONARD COHEN AND SO MUCH JOY DIVISION AND TRIED TO MAKE MY ENVIRO MATCH MY DARK MOODES BUT IT COUNLDT, NOTHING COULD FIX IT.  AND I CRIED AND ANTONY AND HIS JOHNSON KISSED MY MOTUH IN MY MIND BUT EVEN THAT WAS NO GOOD DARN IT. NOTHING COULD FIX IT NOT EVEN THIS:

PURE SPONTEANTOUS FUN THAT PROVES FUN HAS SNO AGE, NO TIME SUCKERS FUN IS A TIME MACHINE FUN DOESN'T KOWTOW TO PHYSICS
PURE SPONTEANTOUS FUN THAT PROVES FUN HAS SNO AGE, NO TIME SUCKERS FUN IS A TIME MACHINE FUN DOESN'T KOWTOW TO PHYSICS

THINGS WERE NOT COMING UP GOTH MINISTER, THATS FER DARN TOOTIN.  FINALLY I SAW THE FOLLOWING AND IT GAVE ME A STRENGTH:

NOBBLE!!!!!!
NOBBLE!!!!!!

LUK AT THAT G-D YAHWAH-FORSAKEN LITTLE BRAVCE MAN!  HE IS BEING EMASCULATEDC BUT HE KEEPS GOING.  POOR THING HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW HE IS GETTING TAKEN ADBVENATGE OF HBUT HE GOES HE KEEPS GOING AND FOR THIS I LOVED HIM AND FOR THIS I HAD THE STRENGTH TO FINISH THE MOVIE.  AND I’M GLAD I DID!  THis is WHY!

ANOTHER TABLEUA~
ANOTHER TABLEUA~

OH YESSS.  IT TURNSZ OUT THSAT DOUBTS CAN BE OVERCOME AND I DIDN”T NEED TO GET DOWN AND DESPONDENT, wanding like a CLOUD, beCUAD GUESS WHAT IT”S ALL OK!1  AND THERE ARE MROE DANCES AND MORE LOVE THAN THE WORLD KNOWS AWHST TO DO WITH.  THE KINDGON OF GOD IS WITHIN YOU< AS WELL AS ISLES>  GO TAKE DOWN THE DAY YOU CSN DO WHATEVER YOU WQANT EVEN TABLEAUS IF YOU ARE STRONG!  I CAN”T BELIEVE I LEARNED A LESSON BUT I DID>  ANd I AM GRATEFLL!!!!

WE CAN DO IT! HISTORY IS NOT OVER< ITS JUST BEGINNING!
WE CAN DO IT! HISTORY IS NOT OVER< ITS JUST BEGINNING!

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