Be sincere

1.  The music is cold, the burn victim said.  “That’s because you’re not sweating to the oldies!”

Put some effort into it. Jeez.

2.  What if there was a very, very small pony whose job it was to deliver kumquats?  He would have a very small cart tied with silken embroidery thread to his reins, and he would pull the little cart of kumquats 500 feet, and under his breath mutter “toot toot delivery” and then hum a little horn sound.  The children would come up and then get one kumquat each, and then he would hum “invoice complete.”  The kids would ask him why he was muttering and humming things as if he weren’t saying them, and he would say, “I am announcing what’s happening.  It’s called self-narration, bitches!”

Guilty.

3.  Sometimes a very, very small kitty would hop onto the pony’s back, and then they would ride like the very devil was after them, the cat sitting like a hen atop the pony’s back.  People would say “What are you running from?” and they would say “commitment.”

Hoarding!

4.  Sometimes the kitty would put a gold chain about the horse’s neck, and then the horse would lift and flick its head in order to get a chain about the kitty’s neck, whickering and tossing its mane, and then they would be very happy to eat all the kumquats whilst wearing their gold.  And if anyone gave them shit, they’d say, “Gold is a good investment.  Also land.”

5.  Sometimes I do want to infect all the Cylons with a virus so that they are dead and out of my hair, but then I realize that that is genocide.   That is the only thing I don’t have in common with Apollo, apparently.

Modern Terrorism

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