Category: Lies
There are 5 Things
1. The music is cold, the burn victim said. “That’s because you’re not sweating to the oldies!” Tweet
Read MoreThings of Beauty, Things of Shame
The little stone house had chinks stuffed with ivy, which Susan kept trimmed, like pubes. The cat liked to rub against these trim…
Read MoreA List of Things I Learned on My Trip to Olympia
1. “My girlfriend can’t believe that I’m still on the bus. I mean, she thinks I’m lying about the bus.” 2. “Christopher Walken,…
Read MoreHorses Can’t Come, But Sharks Can Come
Horses can’t come, but sharks can come. They come in the water and laugh and laugh because of the cum bubbles it generates…
Read MoreFeeling Himself Suddenly Less, He Eats
He eats to become more. He eats the heads of those he admires; he eats the heads of the state whom he feels…
Read MoreThe Passion of Planks
I kind of find planks romantic, in that I don’t really understand where they come from, and this lends them an air of…
Read MoreAlmost Verbatim Transcript of Conversation I Heard on Bus Today (Names Changed)
Mable: The thing is, you know, he was a total dawg, throwing chicks over and shit constantly. Jeff: Yeah. And then he met…
Read MoreA Fool of God
Once upon a time, there was a little boy who liked to cook. The other children at school liked to eat: crumbled raw…
Read MoreDialogues with Celebs
1. Wallace Shawn Me: I don’t believe in your continuum. WS: I’m going to beat the shit out of you. Tweet
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