The Things That Are Vs. The Things That Were

“Things being what they are,” he said, “creates a quandrary.  For he who states this, wants something.  He wants to speak it into existence.  By saying ‘It is what it is,’ he is trying to say ‘Tis,’ or ‘Yes.” “But,” the boy replied, from the depths of a large red chair,”why is ‘no’ better than …

The Boy Then Turned, and Flew South

There was once a boy with monsters for hands.  One monster was a little ectoplasm blob which was covered with mouths, constantly eating.  The boy had to keep this hand gloved, or else he could not type or hold things, as the mouths would eat anything upon which they were set.  When he forgot to …

The Dogs Are In The Pasture; The Cows Are Crowing Home

The types of secrets that characters in novels have can be grouped into a few general categories.  These are the categories: 1.  “I committed a crime!” 2.  “I’m having an affair!” 3.  “Your mom/dad/mentor/hero is fallible/mortal!” 4.  “I’m actually a great person!  And I’m in love with you!” The last category of secret is usually …

The Able Chip

Able Chip was a highly capable learner.  This is what he learned in five years: 1. How to speak 2. How to read 3. How to suffer 4. Colors

A Roasted Chicken

Everybody at the roast was fond of the chicken, and this infused their subsequent ribbing of him with an inclusive sort of glee – all the jokes were inside jokes, culled from a lifetime of  “good times had by all.”  They would say, “He isn’t very good at golf, is he?” and everyone would laugh …

(For Will Oldham)

Darren made his mouth hot with breath and it was so hot.  The Mountain could not believe how hot it was and it made him a little uncomfortable, or maybe just curious.  “Mountain I am not going to put my hot mouth near you.” “OK.”


The vainest foundling in the orphanage was undoubtedly Nellie Bly.  She had bumpy skin like cream, and she drank cream constantly to remind herself of her own skin.  She called this “paying tribute.”